When God Doesn't Make Sense

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Moving from Grief to Grace.

When tragedy strikes, questions just start to follow. And it's just honest to admit that there are those moments in life where we feel like God isn't making any sense...like, failure in an important exam you've prepared for so long, loss of friendship, being cheated on, abuse, bankruptcy, betrayal by the person you love the most, diagnosis of a terminal disease, death of a loved one, and the list goes on. 

Mine was when I dealt with the death of my own father. I remember that exact moment at the 2nd floor of Philippine Heart Center, I was running towards mom who was talking tearfully to the nurse beside her...my heart was beating so fast, I knew my mom was about to tell me something...something that will scar me forever.

And there, I screamed. You know how it felt? Every part of my mind, my body, my heart, my spirit, my soul--every molecule of my being just ached from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet. It was if every cell in me was desperately screaming in protest, "NO! NO! NO! NO! TELL ME YOU ARE LYING! THIS CANNOT BE TRUE!"

That has already been four years ago. Until now the pain of it remains real. Sometimes, I still sleep in tear-stained pillows. 

But there's a great thing called "grace" and "purpose" that strengthens me to smile in the morning. Life goes on.

This morning I woke up to a heartbreaking news that infantile leukemia took the precious life of an 8 month-old baby (the only daughter of one of our faithful church workers). And I sat on my bed blankly, wondering...WHY?

These are the moments one can't help but cry out to God and ask Him real (and somehow rude) questions...like, "Why are You not making sense to me anymore?" "What happened to Your miracles?"

Then I pause and ask myself..."Wait. Is it even legal to ask God these questions?"

But then in the process of moving from GRIEF to GRACE, one's first step is ASKING QUESTIONS. 

Good news is...

GOD UNDERSTANDS MY QUESTIONS.

We are so blessed that the God that we serve is not a kind of merciless god who will send a glorious thunder to strike down anyone who ever doubts and questions him...but rather, our God is a God that is full of mercy, love and understanding. God is a father who will embrace us and wipe our tears and tell you, "Andito lang Ako." God will listen to our questions--no matter how rude it may even seem to be. 

Because God understands us when we do not understand our circumstances. God wants to hear our hearts.


Even Job asked these kind of questions, when he lost his family as well as his health and possessions. 

At one point in Job 3:21, Job asked God, "Why is light given to him in misery, and life to the bitter of soul?" 

Then in Job 6:11 he asks, "What strength do I have that I should even hope in You?" 

And in Job 10:3, "Does it seem good to You that You should allow pain and persecution?"

And what makes his story interesting is that God didn't answer him right away. It took a while.

And He did. He answered in an unexpected way. God turns the tables and asked Job questions as well:

“Who is this that obscures my plans
    with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
    I will question you,
    and you shall answer me.

4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
    Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
    Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
    or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together
    and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?

8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors
    when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
    and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
    and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
    here is where your proud waves halt’?

12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning,
    or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
    and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
    its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
    and their upraised arm is broken.

16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
    or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
    Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
    Tell me, if you know all this.

19 “What is the way to the abode of light?
    And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places?
    Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born!
    You have lived so many years!

2

37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?
    Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens
38 when the dust becomes hard
    and the clods of earth stick together?

39 “Do you hunt the prey for the lioness
    and satisfy the hunger of the lions
40 when they crouch in their dens
    or lie in wait in a thicket?
41 Who provides food for the raven
    when its young cry out to God
    and wander about for lack of food?

God's answer to Job (actually, God's questions to Job) all point out to this: "I am sovereign. I am powerful. And I know what I am doing. I am love. I love you, my child, I understand your pain. Give me your pain.  Be still and just let me be the God of your life."

It's okay to cry out of weakness and hopelessness in prayer...as long as it is in prayer. Because in prayer, we can be real to ourselves and God will surely be real to you. There are things we will never understand of course. Our ability to understand is only that of a human. And there are questions where answers will not be found during our lifetime. Sometimes, your questions will be the mystery that will motivate and inspire us to keep seeking the Face of God. 

But the greatest comfort of it all is that God is real. Heaven is real.  Eternity is real. 

The miracle wasn't my father getting healed from heart disease and surviving cardiac arrest, the miracle was Mom, my little sister and I being able to stand back up in our feet to not only move forward with our lives, but to also move upward in our lives! 

And what ever our life questions may be, Jesus is the answer. And it is Jesus (and Jesus only) who can carry you through the toughest times in life. So whenever you feel like God doesn't make any sense, whenever you feel impatient about God not answering your prayers, remember to put it all in prayers and in prayers only, do not let it turn you to things that will only harm you, "Above all else, it is the peace of God which surpasses all understanding that will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

ONWARD AND UPWARDS! 

Reality Bites

So now that the whole happy “reindeer-riding, gift-giving, bells-ringing, families-eating, more than 8 hours-sleeping” season has finally come to an end, we can hear almost everyone whine and say, “Hay nako, back to reality nanaman,” as we drag ourselves at 6am in the morning to work or school, or worse, back in the most hated inevitable route that is “EDSA.”

Back to reality. 

Yes. Back to reality. 

We wonder why those words have so much negativity in it, like...why is it so hard for us to find joy in “reality”?  When we say reality, what comes to our mind? Some say their reality is their stressful workload, some say it’s their demanding bosses; for some, reality is going back to their ordinary ‘blah’ days; for couples, reality is coming back from a happy honeymoon and facing real life problems like bills, jobs, house chores, and the like.

While those things are part of reality, yes, didn’t it ever cross our mind that our reality is also God? And that God is the biggest part of our reality? And He alone is already an enough reason for us to smile whenever we say the words “back to reality.”

Remember the story of Peter and Jesus walking on water? Peter’s reality was the deep wild waters and the violent winds whirling against him; but what was his reality? Jesus was there. Matthew 14: 27-33 quotes:

Jesus said, “Take courage  It is I. Don’t be afraid.”²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”²⁹ “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” ³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” ³² And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³ Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

This story demonstrates the importance of being grounded on the Word of God—to be confident to declare to yourself that His Word is my reality. God’s promises are my reality. Take your eyes off your current circumstances and look unto Jesus, and there you will see how God is working in your life—how will see how these circumstances can lead you to the destiny that He has for you!

It is time we live in the reality of God, His Word and His promises!

Happy All Things New!

Instead of greeting you a "Happy New Year!," please allow me to be do it differently, as I welcome you in a season of "Happy All Things New!" 

Let me start my first blog entry of 2016 by asking you this question: How was the twelve months of 2015 to you? What were the changes that took place in your life this year?

Personally, 2015 felt like the wrecking ball of my life—not that it was the ‘destructive’ wrecking, but it was more like a purposeful wrecking that fearlessly eradicated all the old things, the past struggles and all the issues around me left without closure yet. It was a wrecking that guaranteed the change I was looking for—my life’s greatest renovation…the promise of ALL THINGS NEW…a newly built fortress where I find real security and stability. And this, I claim in 2016!

But honestly, of course, the ‘wrecking’ process was definitely NOT an easy feat. I’ve found myself dealing with bigger issues and more complicated circumstances that I never thought I would face. It was a kind of season where I was kind of living day to day…wondering where I was heading to, if I was going anywhere, if I could still take it the next days—it was a kind of season that brings on excitement, but also extreme anxiety and it’s like you never feel like you’re standing on solid ground. Everyday of 2015, things just came up one after the other, blessings from God and attacks of the enemy came one after the other. It’s like one day I feel happy and contented and the next day, it’s all fears and insecurities.

Then eventually, I’ve discovered the most efficient and encouraging formula for getting through the season of wrecking (and I hope it will encourage you whenever you find yourself in the middle of your own ‘wrecking’ season).  And the answer is……to keep in tuned with your spiritual senses.

Okay. Pause, hold on. I think it might’ve sounded a bit too spiritual, but it’s actually really simple! And in Pastor Jerome Ocampo’s preaching last Sunday, I think he explained thoroughly yet comprehensively how it is to “keep in tuned with your spiritual senses”—how to look beyond what the eye can see.

The best New Year’s resolution we can make (not only for 2016 but also) for the rest of our lives is: 1) To look at every ADVERSITY and search for GOD’S GREATER PLAN. To not just look at the PROCESS but to also look for GOD’S PURPOSE. Remember that the process is only temporary, but His Purpose is eternal. 2) To look at every uncertainty, and use it to build our trust. Remember God’s Word in Isaiah 55:8-10, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.For as the heavens are higher than the earth,So are My ways higher than your ways. And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

God is too wise to be mistaken,

Too good to be unkind.

So when you don’t understand,

When you don’t see His plan.

When you can’t trace His hand,

Trust His heart.

For whatever situation you find yourself trapped in, always look at God’s viewpoint. He is above, so he looks ABOVE your problems…so do not look AT your problems, but look ABOVE your problems. See to it that there is a greater purpose for the wrecking. Wrecking balls smash buildings down to pieces but they are what architects and engineers need if they plan to build better beautiful buildings.

Do yourself a favor and admit to yourself your old bad habits, struggles and issues that held you back from fully grasping the "new things" God has for you! If you keep holding on to those things, you are (at the same time), delaying yourself from reaching your own destiny. The more you play, the more you delay.  

Let your problems wreck every old things you had a hard time letting go of. If you are struggling with sicknesses, let it help you let go of the unhealthy lifestyle or habits you were once living. If you are struggling with emotional pain, let it help you let go of your insecurities and let it push you to seek security and intimacy in the love of God. It it’s financial problems, let it wreck your habit of worrying with the amount of money left in your little bank account and let it help you build a trusting relationship with the unlimited resources of your Provider through seizing every opportunity to save and grow your money.

Just keep your senses open to all the issues your situations are exposing, then WRECK WHAT HAS TO BE WRECKED, BUILD WHAT HAS TO BE BUILT....keeping in mind that God will make all things bright and beautiful in His perfect time! 

"Wreckings" in life are actually blessings in disguise. It leaves you with no choice but to build again from scratch. It frees you from your chains or "attachments" to the old habits, old cycles, old struggles. It crashes down your walls to show you that there is more outside your little comfort zone. 

So whenever you feel like going through these "wreckings," look beyond your situation and see how you can improve from it. But for now, I invite you to ask yourselves: What changes have you been praying for this 2016? What are the old habits you need to wreck down? What are the new habits you need to build? What are the old issues you need to deal with and close? What are the new things in your life that you have to strengthen and flourish? How will you PUSH yourself to make every single day in 2016 a step closer to the person that God has destined you to be? What can you accomplish today that will help you accomplish your biggest goal for the year?

Because you know that God cannot hand you something new, unless you let go of what you were holding onto, right?

Just like 2015, 2016 holds so much more for us—blessings and trials, laughter and pains, victories and setbacks. And as a church, we surely are all in this together! AS ONE! 

Once again.... HAPPY ALL THINGS NEW!

What It Takes to Forgive

Forgiveness—such an abused, over-used underrated word that takes a second to utter, but takes almost a lifetime to do. 

Because even when JUST the memory of that offense done to us suddenly comes back again, we can't help but suddenly feel exactly the pain we've felt before. 

We end up broken. We end up bitter. 

And to us, the world seems so unfair because it's not even our fault. It's like picking up the pieces of the mess someone else made.

When Ptr. John Macadangdang talked about 'The Power of Forgiveness' last Sunday, I sat there thinking to myself: So is it really possible to forgive? How can forgiveness restore whatever has been ruined? How are we sure that we have already forgiven the person when the pain of the offense done still hurts the same? 

Why I Quit My Job

Lately, I've been getting tons of private messages from Facebook friends, concerned text messages from high school and college friends and random calls from Titas and Ninangs around the world who are altogether asking why I just decided to quit the job “they dream of”—or put in Andy’s words from the movie Devil Wears Prada, I had the job “million girls would kill for.”

Just two years ago, I landed a job as the professional magazine writer that I've always wanted to be. It was a childhood dream that was manifested back when I was 5 years old where the support of both my so-called “stage-parents,” coupled with my “I am a princess” philosophy and my penchant for being in the spotlight, finally got the best of me when I turned 19.

I graduated from college and took the job as an entertainment, fashion & beauty writer under One Mega Group Inc.—where working my way up didn't feel like working at all. Except, of course, those midnights in the office I rushed articles until I could feel my blood turn into caffeine.

But this dream job gotten me to “Wonderland” and had me rubbing elbows with celebrities, directors, fashion designers, models and business owners, sitting at the front row in concerts, wining and dining in newly-opened bars and bistros and gastropubs, and getting dolled-up by the same makeup artists of the stars just so I could attend a grand ball in a five-star hotel—just so I could do my...yes, job.

It would always feel like cloud-nine after every event I would go to. But then in just a matter of seconds, I am faced by the fact that my designer gown fades and I turn back into my casual shirt-and-jeans and a pair of tsinelas only to ride a dyipney and a tricycle on the way home.

Perhaps, a Cinderella story. 

I felt like living two lives—I was living the life of the rich and famous, but in reality, I couldn’t even afford one-fourth of it. Maybe not even one-eighth.

My little salary could barely pay for H&M—let alone Jimmy Choo! Kamusta naman ‘di ba?

But the freebies and gift certificates from the job helped lessen the pressures that come with being in the ‘editorial’ world. I would suddenly receive skincare products, makeup samples, VIP tickets to shows, boxes of cake every now and then from the brands I featured, and invitations to the most exclusive celebrity events—which, the biggest if it all was the Asian cruise vacation with together with a family of “gutz-y” celebrities. And just lately, I was given the chance to rise from ‘print’ to ‘television’ through an episode appearance for “I Am Meg” that airs on ETC.

And at the height of such a frenzied life, I quit.

But that decision wasn't overnight, alright.

It happened slowly. Early before I even entered this “Wonderland,” I have already decided to myself what success is to me.

I promised myself reinvention and improvement every two years. I promised not to stop learning… to take every opportunity to be the best that I can be. I decided that I don’t ever want to be the same old person for too long, I want to constantly change. But not to the point that people wouldn't recognize me anymore, I just simply want to improve.

I also promised myself to never to correlate success with the perks I have, but to measure success by the impact I am making to people’s lives while I grow more as a person. Because years ago, when Papa passed away, I made a mutual agreement with my God that my ministry is my career and my career is my ministry—no matter what my job is.  

To those asking, I quit my job, so that I could focus on my career.

But, those two years in Mega was definitely a learning experience—an experience I will forever be proud of. This is where I found Hazel Paras version 2.0! 

This is where I first learned how to be an employee. This is where I figured out how to approach celebrities and get them to actually chat with me. This is where I got my first pay. This is where I first stressed ‘til 4am in the office beating deadline after deadlines. This is where I first felt how it was like to be promoted. This is where I've first seen my name published on the pages of magazines and finally, just for once, seen myself appear on television for a straight whole segment. 

My resignation did not mean the end of my life in media. I will always be in media. This is the territory and ministry God has given me.

But I've come to the point of realizing that if I want to fight bigger battles and if I want to level up my career, I would have to equip myself better.

And by the desire to equip myself better, I've decided to spend the next two years of my life, studying for a Master’s degree in Integrated Marketing Communication, so that I could take on bigger responsibilities for the next company where I will be of service to. And perhaps, find a closer way to become the “Strategic Branding Director” I've always wanted to be since I started in college. 

Of course, equipping myself better will not be only limited “career-wise,” for I also aim to equip myself to become better, as, simply put…a woman and as a child of God...learning the ropes of housekeeping and also, keeping myself active in the church ministry, where my DNA tuns so strongly.

Since my classes will be scheduled ONLY Saturdays, I know I’ll be at home more than ever. That is definitely the best time and opportunity to give back to my Mom and sister by preparing them meals and doing their laundry as well....while on the side, I’d be reading big Branding Communication books and typing a 2,500-worded campaign-proposal homework.

I can't wait to see how life would turn out the next two years. I can't wait to find out what God has in store for me, the challenges and the blessings altogether.  

Change is always a scary thing. Reinvention is always risky. And just like your iPhones, I am also upgrading my own “iOs” to—Hazel Paras version 3.0!

REAL TALK: Does God Play Favorites?

One time, a Christian friend of mine approached me saying, "Ate Hazel, you're really blessed! I feel like you're one of God's favorites, Ate, do you think maybe someday God would notice me too?"

At that moment, I felt dumbfounded by her question. Of course, I know God doesn't play favorites. But that time, I couldn't explain why.  Her question felt like God's homework for me...something I needed to first bring home to work on, to explore and reflect upon and to pray about before I could give her the answer she needed to hear.So to that lovely girl who asked me this question,

I hope you're reading this now.

DOES GOD PLAY FAVORITES?

A Deeper Look into the Favor of God

I would start by quoting this very straight-forward verse:

Romans 2:11

"God does not show favoritism." 

But right, that probably wouldn't be enough. 

The common misconception of God's favor is that when people think that if they have it, they could laze around while God showers them gifts. 

Another misconception people have of God's favor, is that God is a God who chooses which people to bestow His blessings upon--and that He plays favoritism. 

Well, NO. It is NOT how it works. 

Proverbs 8:35

"Whoever finds me, finds life, and receives favor from the Lord." 

When you decide to fully commit yourself to God, you let the favor of God come into your life, which will bring you to greater connections, wider horizons and a bigger territory--other than just your life. You will live a life bigger than yourself. Activating yourself to pursue God will give God the opportunity to bless you. God wants to bless you and all you have to do is let Him.


But before anything else, you've got to ask yourself two important things: