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Moving from Grief to Grace.
Mine was when I dealt with the death of my own father. I remember that exact moment at the 2nd floor of Philippine Heart Center, I was running towards mom who was talking tearfully to the nurse beside her...my heart was beating so fast, I knew my mom was about to tell me something...something that will scar me forever.
And there, I screamed. You know how it felt? Every part of my mind, my body, my heart, my spirit, my soul--every molecule of my being just ached from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet. It was if every cell in me was desperately screaming in protest, "NO! NO! NO! NO! TELL ME YOU ARE LYING! THIS CANNOT BE TRUE!"
That has already been four years ago. Until now the pain of it remains real. Sometimes, I still sleep in tear-stained pillows.
But there's a great thing called "grace" and "purpose" that strengthens me to smile in the morning. Life goes on.
This morning I woke up to a heartbreaking news that infantile leukemia took the precious life of an 8 month-old baby (the only daughter of one of our faithful church workers). And I sat on my bed blankly, wondering...WHY?
These are the moments one can't help but cry out to God and ask Him real (and somehow rude) questions...like, "Why are You not making sense to me anymore?" "What happened to Your miracles?"
Then I pause and ask myself..."Wait. Is it even legal to ask God these questions?"
But then in the process of moving from GRIEF to GRACE, one's first step is ASKING QUESTIONS.
Good news is...
GOD UNDERSTANDS MY QUESTIONS.
We are so blessed that the God that we serve is not a kind of merciless god who will send a glorious thunder to strike down anyone who ever doubts and questions him...but rather, our God is a God that is full of mercy, love and understanding. God is a father who will embrace us and wipe our tears and tell you, "Andito lang Ako." God will listen to our questions--no matter how rude it may even seem to be.
Because God understands us when we do not understand our circumstances. God wants to hear our hearts.
Even Job asked these kind of questions, when he lost his family as well as his health and possessions.
At one point in Job 3:21, Job asked God, "Why is light given to him in misery, and life to the bitter of soul?"
Then in Job 6:11 he asks, "What strength do I have that I should even hope in You?"
And in Job 10:3, "Does it seem good to You that You should allow pain and persecution?"
And what makes his story interesting is that God didn't answer him right away. It took a while.
And He did. He answered in an unexpected way. God turns the tables and asked Job questions as well:
“Who is this that obscures my plans
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.
4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?
8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt’?
when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt’?
12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.
or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.
16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.
19 “What is the way to the abode of light?
And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born!
You have lived so many years!
And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born!
You have lived so many years!
2
37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?
Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens
38 when the dust becomes hard
and the clods of earth stick together?
Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens
38 when the dust becomes hard
and the clods of earth stick together?
39 “Do you hunt the prey for the lioness
and satisfy the hunger of the lions
40 when they crouch in their dens
or lie in wait in a thicket?
41 Who provides food for the raven
when its young cry out to God
and wander about for lack of food?
and satisfy the hunger of the lions
40 when they crouch in their dens
or lie in wait in a thicket?
41 Who provides food for the raven
when its young cry out to God
and wander about for lack of food?
It's okay to cry out of weakness and hopelessness in prayer...as long as it is in prayer. Because in prayer, we can be real to ourselves and God will surely be real to you. There are things we will never understand of course. Our ability to understand is only that of a human. And there are questions where answers will not be found during our lifetime. Sometimes, your questions will be the mystery that will motivate and inspire us to keep seeking the Face of God.
But the greatest comfort of it all is that God is real. Heaven is real. Eternity is real.
The miracle wasn't my father getting healed from heart disease and surviving cardiac arrest, the miracle was Mom, my little sister and I being able to stand back up in our feet to not only move forward with our lives, but to also move upward in our lives!
And what ever our life questions may be, Jesus is the answer. And it is Jesus (and Jesus only) who can carry you through the toughest times in life. So whenever you feel like God doesn't make any sense, whenever you feel impatient about God not answering your prayers, remember to put it all in prayers and in prayers only, do not let it turn you to things that will only harm you, "Above all else, it is the peace of God which surpasses all understanding that will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus."
ONWARD AND UPWARDS!
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