Sometimes I feel like I've been too nice to everyone, that I forgot how to be nice to myself.
Okay, so I've always played the role of the "nice girl"—probably someone you can easily be friends with, someone you could quickly turn to for help, someone who'll willingly say "yes" because she—I—am scared to turn you down.
I was actually "too nice" to the point that my favorite words were (number one) "Yes" and (number two) "Sorry."
I was once that kind of person who apologized all the time because I always felt like I was in the way, it's like apologizing for existing.
I used to even say "sorry" whenever someone gets in MY way. Ang lala talaga.
Sometimes after speaking up, I would still end up
apologizing because I was scared I might have offended someone. I was so passionate about protecting other people's feelings that I ended up letting them step on mine.
Well. Guess what?
I started to get tired of it, not because being nice isn't me, but rather for the reason my niceness has suffocated me with pain, frustration and utter disappointment until I reached the point of FINALLY saying:
"That's it!"
Through all the daily and gradual frustrations that wore on me, it just took THAT one moment to feel that something changed within me:
I found my voice. I found my fire.
I found the empowered woman in me that I've long been looking for.
I finally connected with my inner 'maldita'—a part of me who just had to be heard, who has so much to say and who knew what she deserved.
My inner 'maldita' is not a bad mean provocative jerk...but she is another side of me who is only assertive, bold, confident and wildly opinionated—which trust me, this "maldita Hazel" has ten thousand opinions the "nice Hazel" wouldn't dare say out loud.
It's okay to be nice, but when you are talking about the niceness in that "God-forbid-you-to-upset-someone" way, well I guess you've gotta stop right there.
Know that niceness and manners are not exclusive. You can cut yourself off from the nice-girl routine but still be the helpful angel you always were.
Maybe I've gotta learn to stop saying "sorry" for who I am because I would rather be "nice" than be myself; I've got to stop choosing to be pleasant rather than to be right.
Kindness never goes out of style, but being a pushover can hurt in so many ways.
I've seen how niceness can make someone an easy target, like a laundry basket for big tasks that no one else wants to do.
Oh, and that power point presentation? Assign it to that nice gal over there, because I'm sure she'll love to.
Oh, how about some jokes that could come as offensive or harsh? Throw it to Little Miss Nice who doesn't know how to fight back, she'll just nod and say sorry anyway. Hindi naman pikon yan eh.
Oh, she said "Don't"? Nah, I'll go on. Hindi naman siya marunong magalit.
Channel your inner Maldita.
If you're reading this and you can actually relate to me, here's what I am just about to do: I am about to channel my inner maldita.
And when I say 'maldita' I do NOT mean it in a bad way.
There's a different (and better) way of defining Maldita, despite the "mean" or "wicked" connotation attached to the word in Filipino culture.
But a real "MALDITA" is the woman today. She is the modern woman--strong, empowered and driven.
She knows when to speak her mind.
She doesn't let people abuse her.
She won't let you take advantage of her skills.
And as a woman, she believes that she is to be treated with respect and to be taken seriously.
This maldita was once the sweet and feminine bubbly girl who grew up to become the wiser and bolder woman that all of us women are meant to be.
To all "too nice girls" out there who can relate, whenever you feel like falling apart...you could start with this:
1. Say a prayer
2. Swipe red lipstick, wear THOSE stilettos (for better effects! haha)
3. Smile that million-dollar smile
4. Then, politely say "NO."
I've tried it. I felt like Wonder Woman afterwards!
Follow:
@hazelparas17
@malditaofficial
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